I tried open, I'll try here for thoughts I was raised, before cell phones, if you went out, to leave a note saying where you were going and when you would be back. Or if coming home late, to . My parents did it for each other, and as a kid, I had to do it for them. When I was a teen, they did it for me. Now, I am 28. Married and have 4 . My husband does not do this. I feel as though it is just common curtusity. If I am running late from work, I . To me, it feels as though he is just coming and going when ever he feels like it, and it REALLY bothers me. He knows it bothers me, yet doesn't seem to care because he is constantly doing it. Am I crazy here? I would love to hear what other people think. This is really causing problems in the marriage.

Tp put your mind at ease him If he does not answer worry. When my ex started his affair he was working later and longer and the man I could not get off the phone was no longer ever available to answer it and it is a work phone he is required to answer for work, but since er id he could avoid my s and claim he was on another line. I personally started to treat him with the same disregard because it did not matter anyway. I was tired of being a door mat and knew exactly what he was doing. But if you get nothing from my message other than this DO NOT DO ANYTHING THAT WILL CAUSE HIM TO GIVE YOU A REACTION YOU CAN NOT LIVE WITH! No bluffs no bull shit!!!!

That's the thing though he wont answer. But that's not my real point. Do you if you are late? I used the analogy with him about our daughter. She's 12. Let's say she's 16. She went to work and is always home by 11. Tonight, it's 1 am and she's not answering her phone. You are getting worried. Then she comes in at 3 am. Tells you she was busy and if you didn't like it "tough". I know me as a parent wouldn't accept that. I guess I am old fashioned. I don't think it's being controlling. Maybe it is different with a spouce and a child. But thank you

If he is staying out late and won't answer his phone when you I would get suspicious too. THe analogy that you laid out is very apt. I think you have a problem.

You're not alone.... I was raised the same way. My ex husband didn't understand it either. He expected me to be a "mind reader" and just KNOW what was going on. I'm remarried now. My current husband and I share the same values. We believe it has NOTHING to do with control or trust, but rather "common courtesy" and "respect for the most important person in your life". If he is going to be late, he s. I do the same for him. For some men, "checking in" makes them feel controlled or "mothered". Maybe this is his issue. Maybe it's just a case of he doesn't get the importance. Either way, this IS something that's important to you and as a committed spouse, he should respect this. I'm certain there are things that you do for him that are important to him but not as important to you. Turnaround should be fair play. If you've discussed this with him and he still doesn't get it, you have one of two choices. You can either start being the same way with him, which is by all means "head games" and going against your beliefs, or..you can accept that this is not something he is willing to do for you and get over it. Is this something he can change? Is it something you can live without? The only 2 people who know the answers to those questions are him and you. Talk to him one last time about it and find out.

You are soooooooo right on! When I used the analogy about our daughter, he said but I am not your child. It's funny though, my mom and step dad are in their late 50's early 60's. When we go to their house, there is always a note pad on the counter. Last time, there was a note from my mom to my dad that said went grocery shopping love ya. There was one from my dad saying had to go to fire fighter meeting love, bill. So, they still do it. They have cell phones, but hardly ever use them, lol. After 13 years, it still bothers me. Maybe more so because he did stray in the past. Hmmm..things to think about. Thank you for sharing though, I was begining to think I am alone in this.

Your parents still do it.... because it is: #1 - Important to both of them #2 - It is important to one of them and the other does it BECAUSE it matters to the other or... #3 - They still, after all these years, have an incredible amount of respect for the other as a life partner Regardless of why THEY do it, you need to find out why the two of YOU should be doing it. Good luck.

you're not crazy, just needing respect. My ex did it, then accused me of harrassing her when I would . No respect.

And it's not like I all the time I get up for work at 4 am. He usually doesn't get home from work until 11 pm. So, I am usually in bed. Sometimes, I trying to get a couple of mins of alone time with out the . I feel as though he is not respecting me because it does only take 2 seconds to pull his phone out of his pocket and .

I feel it's their way to distance themselves from us. I think they feel like they want to be single. Not much of a partnership. Your post reminds of another reason why I will never go back to the selfish person i was married to.

Hmmm, whe things like this happen, I wonder if it is because we got married so young. We have been together since he was x and I was x. That's how I chalked up his affair. I don't know, you know? I get so confused. Things will be so good, then take a dive, so fast. I don't talk to anyone I know about this. I know what they will say. Then , I hate to see the look on their faces. I guess the reason why I turned here.

Kind of...I talk to him when it happens, express how I feel. I don't yell, learned it doesn't solve anything. Then things go back to normal. Then he will do it again. Just seems to be a cycle. I should mention that he won't do it for months and then will.

good word for that, also, you want to trust them. It's hard to imagine when they fall out of love & want to live another life. You may never make any sense out of it. But, it does take two to make it work.