Divorce Do you feel that your parents' divorce had an effect on how you deal with your own relationships? Do you have a right as a "child" (adult now) to know more about the circumstances?

my parents are not divorced the circumstances of a divorce are personal and no one has a "right" to know the intimate details of anyone else's relationship

It's still the biggest, most painful event in my life and I try to understand it. So far I only have mom's perspective. Dad would not be so cool with a sit down talk so the rest I fill in with what I think the right details are, which are probably not right. I just need to know what happened.

there are three versions of any story in this case: mom's dad's the truth

I guess dad's side might even it out. I would love to hear step mom's perspective. She's SO easy to turn into a villain and I know I've done that.

you have to let it go really, it makes no difference what happened - what went on was between your parents - people do things to each other when love dies that have nothing to do with their - just love your parents for the people you know them to be - it takes two people to make or break a relationship

I don't know how to most the time it doesn't hurt. It's still hard seeing my dad's family... him actually being a father to my half brothers and having this real family while mine was shattered. My mom, sister and I were never able to put the pieces back. I had my heart torn out of me at age 7 and it never healed right.

dad can't handle a sit down? too bad, will he just listen? Might be worth expressing what you're feeling. You do have a right to be heard, especially as two adults talking. Divorce breaks up the family, regardless of what people like to say about keeping the immune. That's a head in the sand viewpoint.

I love dad but from what I can tell he cheated on mom and got another woman preggo which resulted in my stepmom and first half bro. Kinda intense. But I feel like he needs to hear what happened on my end. It wasn't like it was the normal family minus dad. Everything fell apart. I've tried in the past but I've always been emotional and it causes this big rift, sometimes for years. The last few years I've tried to "not let it bother me" and I can fake it for a while but obviously it still hurts.

what's you're ideal result? has he ever admitted cheating? Taken responsibility for his part, however he sees it? Doesn't mean apology, necessarily. At the end of the day you can't make another person meet your expectations and it's shitty to live waiting for that. Have you tried any other supports? Counselling?

The ideal result would be to not feel like this. Also to be able to visit and not have to wonder if my stepmom's friends know who I am or how I fit into their family. We've been reaching out to each other recently but they don't really know anything about me. And I don't know how to talk about me without talking about the divorce.

that ship might have sailed, unless you want to go out there unilaterally, introduce yourself, "I'm his daughter" or whatever. Without hoping for more, or hiding yourself, good luck with it.

thanks