Taking Deep Breaths My ex gf of 6 1/2 years recently contacted me. I am thinking we have grown up. We can maybe talk to each other without yelling. It has been 3 years since we are broken up. I started seeing a councelor for many reasons on my part. I tried looking at the situation as she maybe has changed as well. All she did was give me anxity attacks as I try to explain the actions or decisons she makes are giving me the anxity. She turns on me and starts yelling. I never felt such a heart broken for another person and I am trying to understand her. I feel she is not giving me a chance to see - that I have changed (she is saying that she has changed as well). I releazied in the past I was not able to find the words to communicate with her as well as I am now. I keep walking away because I feel she will not accept her actions are causing me pain and in turn her pain. I will claim I have my faults.....but I am trying to be a better person and understand other people around me and their points of view. I am not real sure why I am pouring out my heart at this time? Or that it makes any sense? I just know that I am trying to take responsibility for my actions. Ever since I have done that and taken a stand for myself - my life and friends have turned to shit. Vanished..its very tough standing on my own. Thank you for listening whom ever took the time to witness this breakdown.

maybe you have the wrong friends If since you've started standing up for yourself, your "life and friends" have turned to shit, maybe it's time to consider that the life and people you formerly surrounded yourself with are/were not compatible with the "new you". There's nothing wrong with this. It's just a matter of getting out there and redefining your life in a way that's compatible with the way you've redefined yourself. I'm in a VERY similar situation as you are in with your ex, but my situation is much more recent. But I'm in the same place as you, trying to understand why she made the choices that she did, why she walked out on five years together. I'm still sad & frankly pretty fucked up & broken hearted over it, but I'm also coming to realize that I'm never going to get the answers that I want from her. I have to find the deeper meaning behind WHY I need to have these answers, and that resolution has to come from within. You're in a dangerous and unhealthy place to be looking for her to "accept her actions causing you pain" etc. You still blame her for the anxiety you experienced, "all she did was give me anxiety attacks." People don't give you anxiety attacks, YOU give you anxiety attacks as a response to a situation. You're incorrect to blame her for the attacks in the first place, and therefor wrong in hoping that she'll take accountability for "causing you pain." Good for you for trying to better yourself, I relate to that and commend you for it. But I think you've got to let go; choose your battles carefully. We're not always going to be able to understand the people around us and their point of view. Focus your energy on understanding yourself from within, and your own perspective, and perhaps it will shed perspective on the life and people around you as well. Best of luck to you.

I hear a lot of stuff in this post mostly I hear a person who has made great steps forward. Someone who is not giving up things from the past, like toxic friends and ex's. You can't control her in fact you can't do anything about anyone's behavior but your own. If actions or decisions she makes are giving you the anxiety then all you can do is stay away from her. If you want to really take responsibility for your actions you will have to accept that you are in control of your feelings. No one can make you feel some way. Her actions and decisions did not give you anxiety while you were not around her did they?

Sometimes, the more things change... the more they stay the same. Working on yourself and understanding the changing dynamics of your relationships can be a monumental task. You may just have to step back and start over with new friends and accept the ex as an ex. It's painful and it takes time but it's worth the process to regain your self-respect and nurture healthy and supportive friendships. Take care.