So... advice...pleaaaase?? if you desperately desire sadist acts in context of your current D/s relationship.. (and i'm talking in the range of pretty punishing severe sadism) But its outside of the Doms typical ways/ realm/ personality/mentality whatever to provide that for you... what do you do? Ive forsaken my desires so many times in the past. It was something that was spoken.. but then when I started bringing things up I got "oh, hmm really?" For a short period of time, then he was all about it saying that he didnt want to "lay his cards on the table" I dont believe him.. I think hes pandering which makes it tainted... makes me totally not want it with him.. I know enough what it is to "go thru the motions" and I'm not the sort to do that to someone... Halp!

Tell the person what you want. If they don't want to give it to you and you can't live without it, leave. It sounds like you're questioning this person's motives and abilities, anyway. So you might as well wander off and find someone who you can click with, anyway. Or something.

aww.. see, I know this but... yet I have that whole .. "Ooo but I loves him and I'll just cuddle n watch lifetime if he wants, he doesnt have to beat me into submission" It totally sucks having bitch hormones sometimes.

How long have you been exclusive with him?

short enough of a time.. that it would be easy to NOT know how very severe my masochistic ideals are. I mean you dont just come out and blurt it at the very onset. Even if it DID start with a rapeplay scene.

If it started with a fake rape scene then you may as well let your desires be heard. Shit, even if it started with wine & fuckin' roses, you need to let your desires be known if you ever expect them to be fulfilled. If you don't like him anymore, leave him and try someone else.

eh, maybe I should stop worrying... I mean, if he says he's all about it.. maybe I should stop assuming he isnt?

Yep. Assuming stuff is generally bad. Hell, I know my fella isn't much for the sadism unless he's fuckin' mad. And yet, I keep requesting severe beatings, or beatings with dangerous blunt objects, at random times. Because, y'know. Sometimes he *does* acquiesce. And even if it's only just to humor me, it's very thoughtful. And compromise is what relationships are about. At least in part. You might as well let your voice be heard and see if it helps you. The worst that could happen is he squicks out and you guys discover an incompatibility. And that would be a good thing--that way, you'd both be able to move on without investing any further time or effort.

thank you darlin... that is an excellent way to think about it. I have a problem with overanalyzing.

communicate.

communicating has turned into what I believe is pandering. I apparently have the "magic pussy" and will make guys say anything to keep it. hah No, seriously... I *would* prefer to work it out... but to whos advantage? someone loses.

loosing Yes, someone looses. It's not a happy thing. It never is. But it's nessary sometimes. Sorry