He wants a divorce. Now now, it's not what you think. The Scoops aren't splitting up and I'm not about to easily give up what I waited so long for (marriage). The comment was made after years of discussion about the state of the economy, our finances, credit standing, ability to modify mortgages, etc... like many Americans, our financial picture ain't as pretty as it was a few years ago, and it wasn't showcase then, either. We've just come to the realization of how much easier it would be for both of us if we weren't married - programs we'd qualify for, tax breaks, etc. For example, I/we own a home that's upside-down in value (duh, no surprise). We can't refinance because the loan-to-value ratio isn't there. We can't qualify for loan modifcation because they'd take into account BOTH of our incomes. So we're either stuck with it, negotiate short sale (no easy task), walk away and take a foreclosure hit on the credit, etc. No easy answers. Considering that our decision to GET married in the first place was because the financial benefits supported it THEN, this isn't such a bombshell to consider now. It was a comment made in jest (I think), but was it really? It's no joke to me, but it's not a dealbreaker, either. Any stories to share about couples who divorced for financial reasons, and kept a healthy, happy relationship? I've heard they exist, but.... where?

It's worth talking about. After all, if it is just a piece of paper and if you are happy with your relationship. . . Think about what we would tell people who were worrying about getting married. If it already seems like you are married, what will that piece of paper change. Just be clear on what each of you is thinking. A divorce but only on paper and only because it is a way out of a hole? The possibility of remarriage later on when things straighten out? Neither partner looking to dissolve the relationship itself?

No, not dissolving the relationship. Status quo. He's proposing it simply as a financial measure. No, no mention of remarriage later - the topic only just came up recently and in my eagerness to dump that topic rather quickly, I did not delve deeper nor ask more questions. I don't like the idea, and I've told him so. But that doesn't mean I won't consider it, if it means guaranteeing a better financial future for us together. (And no, I'm not being materialistic - our future, as it is, would barely be enough to survive on and we'd be in our late 70's before this mortgage is paid off.)

Heck no my marriage is not a comodody to be used for finanacial gains. No way no how would I ever entertain the thought of getting divorced to work my way out of a financial situation. NO NO No!! I get that it is just a piece of paper to some people but it is not that to me. I dont think this is giving your marriage the honor it deserves.

See, that's one point we differ on. To me, marriage is MUCH more than that piece of paper. To him, it IS just a piece of paper. I never pressured him into marriage at all, but he knew it was something I wanted. When the financial stars were correctly aligned, he proposed and we married. That's all. Now those stars are out of alignment, and he's looking for ways to put them back correctly. A piece of paper. Please understand though, he knows it's much more than that to me. So he'd never go through with it unless it's what I wanted, too - or unless our marriage were on the rocks for other reasons (it's not, not by far). However, I'm not quite secure enough within myself to take that step and trust that our relationship won't change. I fear it might, so I'm opposed.

Sounds like a slippery slope to me Marriage isn't just a piece of paper. Financial burdens won't be the only challenges you face in life. Set aside the vows for financial reasons then what's next?

Well for one thing, We're both in our 50's with previous marriages under our belts already, are all grown and out of the next, and we've both been through plenty of life's ups and downs in and out of marriage. I'd venture to say we have a different perspective of marriage than, say, couples in their twenties or thirties. At this age, it's still a romantic notion, but the financial aspects seem to take on much more weight than they ever used to.

if the house is in both your names I don't think, a divorce will make it any easier to refi. (just sayin) It might lower (slightly) income taxes (assuming you make about the same amount of money).

But it's not the only house. I have one in my name (his parents and two siblings live there, they pay us rent); and he has one in his name, in which we live together. Both deeds are joint, but the loans are separate. So on paper, it would be quite a simple mr to separate the two. Refi isn't possible - the house is upside-down in value. Loan modification would be possible (under the new federal program) *IF* my only 'household' income were my income alone. That's much easier to prove if I were single. Modification also requires primary residence - which this other house is NOT. I'd have to 'pretend' I live there, alone. Not hard to do, all the utilities are already in my name alone. In x, when the 'marriage penalty' was starting to phase out, there was a big tax break to us by getting married. So we did. That's not the case so much any more, and no guarantee that Congress will extend those tax laws for another decade or not. So we don't know. He makes a bit more than I do, but not a huge amount. Combined, our incomes are less than $xK BEFORE taxes.

please see a lawyer I never heard such a thing...NEVER! what you describe sounds odd and your jump to divorce to solve this sounds CRAZY! i really think there are other things in your relationships and you are both either overlooking or trying to change the subject. SEE A LAWYER. marriage couples save more than singles! if your financial things are not working out, get a less expensive life...chees!