I think I might have repressed memories that are surfacing, and that is the source of these disturbing thoughts/visions.

dont watch anymore scary movies

I don't :(

anything is possible... like me leaving rofo

We all do. What are your disturbing thoughts and visions?

I can not share them

That's ok. Process them the best you can. They are part of you. Don't deny them. Just let them wash over you. You should let someone close to keep a watch over you. Maybe limit your activities. And perhaps seek a counsellor.

I just want them to stop They are horrendous Sitting alone and yelling "STOP!!!" and squeezing my eyes shut is pretty much considered crazy.

I'd suggest sleep. Or watching a movie. Or any activity that can break the chain of thoughts you are experiencing. How long have you been suffering this way?

It happens when I am alone I was out earlier, and was just fine. I am trying to watch a movie. About a week. Ever since I kind of "turned a corner" in my mind about trying to make an honest stab at a real relationship.

What changes have you made since? What is your normal mode of approach to relationships? and how is that different from the one you are attempting right now? It may be because you are stepping out of your comfort zone and facing up to yourself.

Avoidance is the normal approach Now I am trying to pry open my heart. Yes, that is exactly what is happening, I believe.

How do you mean avoidance? What do you do to avoid in a relationship? And what are you doing now that qualifies as "trying to pry open your heart"?

Avoidance means literally avoiding any kind of intimate relationship with another person. I have plenty of friends and am "close" with my family, but that really means being there for them, and being fun and available to listen and offer an ear. I do not ever talk about my own feelings, etc. Trying to pry open my heart...it was really just a shift in my mind. I don't know how else to explain it. The next step was going to be to pursue/be open to a romantic relationship.